I tell you this true story partly because it allowed me to use “Thomas Jefferson” and “wine” in my subject line. But also because it comes from The Billionaire’s Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace, a fascinating book that’s going to help me illustrate a practice that’s incredibly useful for anyone who needs to communicate more effectively with their market, and that is:
Show, don’t tell, what’s great about your offering.
Here’s an example from Wallace’s book that shows:
As his horse-drawn carriage clattered along the post roads of France, [Jefferson] at last had a chance to see the most fabled vineyards in the world. He passed through rich farmland, planted with corn, rye and beans. As soon as he ferried west, across the Garonne, the picture changed. As he rolled through the district of Sauternes and entered Bordeaux, he looked out through the glass windows of his carriage and saw nothing but grapevines.
And here’s how I might write the same thing if all I wanted to do was tell:
Jefferson traveled through France until he reached Bordeaux.
More direct, yes, but also pretty dull. There are plenty of other literary merits to showing vs. telling* but let's just look at why it's also good advice in B2B digital marketing copy.
People’s BS meters are more sensitive than ever. If all a company can do is tell us something is true about its offering, we are immediately dubious. Talk is cheap.
But by showing your audience, you allow them to draw their own conclusions about how great you are.
So how do you show your reader? Aren’t words pretty limited to telling? Well, if you use a lot of abstraction and jargon, your language will be almost unavoidably tell-y.
But there are some fairly easy tweaks you can make to your site copy and other digital marketing profiles that counteract the terrible business writing habits so many companies fall into.
1. Recognize your telling habits so you can get rid of them. Here’s a list of words that will set off anyone’s BS meter. Delete these from your marketing copy:
Trusted
Unique
Experts
Innovative
World Class
Proven track record
These words on their own convince no one of your value. In today’s environment, they only beg questions like:
“Why should I trust you?”
“How exactly are you unique?”
“Who are your experts, and what makes them so knowledgeable and experienced?”
“Where’s your proof of this ‘track record’?”
Rewrite your content to eliminate cliches like “trusted,” “unique,” “expert,” etc. Instead, show these things to be true, and your copy will be much more persuasive and convincing. You can start by anticipating the questions above and answering those in your copy.
2. Answer the question, “Why should anyone care?”
Here’s a great example of how much more powerful showing is than telling, from Carmine Gallo’s column in Fortune magazine - a story that takes place long before introduction of the iPhone.
I was working with the CEO of a startup in the area of mobile technology. Like many professionals, he had a problem speaking simply.
"Our company is a world class developer of intelligent semiconductor intellectual property solutions that dramatically accelerate system-on-a-chip designs while minimizing risk," he said.
“There are a lot of buzzwords in that explanation,’ I said. ‘Try answering this question: Why should I care?"
“Carmine, do you have a cell phone?" the CEO fired back.
“Sure I do."
“Take it out and put in on the table. Our company will change everything about how you use your phone. We build software that is used to make chips that go inside cell phones."
“As a result, those chips get smaller, cheaper, and faster. What does that mean to you? It means in the future your cell phone will be smaller, faster, last longer on a single charge, and eventually will play music and video.”
3. Provide real-life stories of what your company has done: case studies, testimonials, news reports (NOT press releases!).
Another way to show why anyone should care is to show why others have cared.
What do your customers like about working with you? Rather than calling yourself “results oriented,” show the results you’ve created for your clients. Describe the problem, describe the solution and describe the result.
Back it up with quotes from the client or from an analyst or a journalist that covers your industry.
And please don’t quote your press release! Everyone knows these are your company’s words. Instead of telling your market what to think, engage your reader with showing language and let her draw her own conclusions.
* Credit goes to "Writing Great Non-Fiction," published by The Great Courses for the show-don't-tell lesson.
“How exactly are you unique?”
“Who are your experts, and what makes them so knowledgeable and experienced?”
“Where’s your proof of this ‘track record’?”
Rewrite your content to eliminate cliches like “trusted,” “unique,” “expert,” etc. Instead, show these things to be true, and your copy will be much more persuasive and convincing. You can start by anticipating the questions above and answering those in your copy.
2. Answer the question, “Why should anyone care?”
Here’s a great example of how much more powerful showing is than telling, from Carmine Gallo’s column in Fortune magazine - a story that takes place long before introduction of the iPhone.
I was working with the CEO of a startup in the area of mobile technology. Like many professionals, he had a problem speaking simply.
"Our company is a world class developer of intelligent semiconductor intellectual property solutions that dramatically accelerate system-on-a-chip designs while minimizing risk," he said.
“There are a lot of buzzwords in that explanation,’ I said. ‘Try answering this question: Why should I care?"
“Carmine, do you have a cell phone?" the CEO fired back.
“Sure I do."
“Take it out and put in on the table. Our company will change everything about how you use your phone. We build software that is used to make chips that go inside cell phones."
“As a result, those chips get smaller, cheaper, and faster. What does that mean to you? It means in the future your cell phone will be smaller, faster, last longer on a single charge, and eventually will play music and video.”
3. Provide real-life stories of what your company has done: case studies, testimonials, news reports (NOT press releases!).
Another way to show why anyone should care is to show why others have cared.
What do your customers like about working with you? Rather than calling yourself “results oriented,” show the results you’ve created for your clients. Describe the problem, describe the solution and describe the result.
Back it up with quotes from the client or from an analyst or a journalist that covers your industry.
And please don’t quote your press release! Everyone knows these are your company’s words. Instead of telling your market what to think, engage your reader with showing language and let her draw her own conclusions.
* Credit goes to "Writing Great Non-Fiction," published by The Great Courses for the show-don't-tell lesson.
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